dddd“People have a right to fly…”
My best friend is getting married. Last year, after she met him, I knew it was coming—and soon. But I never really anticipated what it would feel like the moment it was officially so. I don’t think anything adequately prepares a person for the moment someone so close tells them they’ve found “true love.” In life, there are a lot of phrases that change everything once they are said. And I always thought “I’m getting married” was one of them.
It’s fitting it would happen this way. Since our college days, B has been one of my closest companions. Two hundred miles apart, barely a day goes by when we don’t talk or communicate in some way. The beginnings of our friendship dates ever further back: She’s helped me through some of the hardest times of the past seven years.
It is fitting that the first blog of 2011 should be about B, since New Years’ has become a theme in our lives.
On December 31, 2009, a fly on the wall in a Nashville apartment would have seen two ladies of similar age sprawled across a couch drinking wine, talking incessantly, and laughing hysterically whilst watching back-to-back episodes of Sex and the City on DVD.
She was sharing her latest dating woes with me, and I was asking for her opinion on whether or not I should go out with a college friend. Clad in pajamas, cozy fuzzy socks, with hair piled on top of our heads, we were hopeful, dreamy, star-gazers hoping to find “prince charming.”
Little could we know that B’s “Prince Charming” was only a few months away. He rode in on a magnificent stallion—otherwise known as a large truck—and swept my friend off her feet. Literally. On date number three, she sent me a text message that said, “I love him.”
It was then I knew: My friend had found the love she’d waited for her whole life.
Love and Marriage.
These words elude me. I cannot find—nor can I reconcile—the two.
Last October, when B announced her engagement, I was visiting my parents for a few days. My mom looked really worried when I shared the news. I think she expected me to burst into tears and cry, “The world is leaving me behind.”
But the thing is, I don’t feel that way at all. I’m not standing still. I’m not waving goodbye to other people as they get to live and I don’t. I’m moving right along with them…just in a different way. It’s not traditional, and it’s certainly not what I ever expected, but as each day unfolds, I’m realizing this is simply…my life. Perhaps this is just what was always destined to be…and suddenly one day somewhere over the course of the last year I woke up and embraced it.
Ironically, I ushered 2011 in with B and her husband-to-be. And ironically, we spent it in our sweatpants, lounging on couches drinking wine, talking incessantly, and laughing hysterically at New Years’ television shenanigans. Nothing had changed. We were right there—together—like we’ve always been. Plus one.
As we head into this new year, I eagerly anticipate B’s wedding and getting to stand beside her, toes in the sand, on her special day.
As for me, I’m going to keep doing what I do best…“moving along.”
I get this little hunch, this premonition, that I’m going to continue in my unconventional little ways—running, reading, learning about whatever my mind fancies to know, and growing in my heart, my faith—for a few years to come. As for relationships and love and whatever may come of all that…if it ever does…I like to dream-to believe- that maybe one day I’ll get to stand arm-in-arm with someone and look back at everyone who watched me in dismay and say, “So, look what I found. And he’s as perfect as I knew he would be.”
Or…maybe not. And that’s ok too. I’m learning to see beyond the things that elude me.
“I believe my life is going to see the love I give returned to me.”